You never know what God can show you in a grocery store.

Grocery shopping isn’t a casual experience for me.  It’s a goal.  To attain said goal I make a list, go in, stay focused, get items in cart, head to checkout, pay and move on with life.  Honestly, there have been times when I’ve avoided someone I knew in a grocery store because it would be a distraction from my goal.  I know it’s completely crazy but self-awareness of crazy is better than walking through life blind.

As I stood at the checkout today, I was annoyed with the cashier.  It’s like she didn’t respect the mission I was on and the fact that I didn’t want to waste any time to get this accomplished.  She casually talked to me about her life and her kids as she slowly scanned items.  I kept thinking if I ignored her comments she might speed up the process.  Alas, she just kept talking as I offered to bag my own groceries.  Then I heard these words, “Guess I just get chatty when I’m nervous.  My husband found out he’s losing his job today.”

Hi my name is Shannon and I’m a selfish moron sometimes.

I looked up and told her I was sorry and wished I could help.  She told me the greatest gift I could give her would be to pray for the family.  She kept repeating that she knew things would be alright.  That God would provide and there was no sense in losing sleep over it.

As I left the store today I thought of this lady that I was trying to rush past.  Then I thought of all the people I know who have lost their jobs this year.  It’s a weird time for so many of us.  Our country seems to be gripped by fear and worry and we’re along for the ride.

Then Rich Mullins came to mind. He wrote this article that I had posted in my dorm room when I was in college.  When I felt stressed I’d read it and it always helped me calm down.  Maybe it can do the same for you or someone you love.

The Sound and the Worry

We are surrounded by – we are dependent on (and weirdly, quite even indebted to) a hundred million things that are just beyond our reach and completely beyond our control. Things like favorable weather; the honesty and good intentions of those people among and with whom we live, work and play; balanced budgets; tomorrow and tomorrow in its creeping, petty pace; our next paycheck; dependable machinery; our next breath.

A hundred million things. All of them are just as real as they are invisible, just as available as they are necessary, just as likely to fall on the just as on the unjust, as apt to shine on those who worry as on those who hope. (The difference being that those who worry are less able to enjoy things than those who hope.) But for all of us, we are surrounded by things we cannot predict, control, possess or avoid – things that press us and compete for control – a competition that must be decidedly won by “faith” or we will be lost.

It is easy in the frantic, task-driven “day-to-day” for us to lose our “centers” – our souls – our sense of who we are and what is really important. We are haunted by the ghosts of the “what if’s” who live in the shadows of the “if only’s.” They accuse us, torment us, tempt us to abandon the freedom we have in Christ.

But, if we still ourselves, if we let Him calm us, focus us, equip us for the day, He will remind us of our Father’s prodigal generosity and about the pitiful weakness of greedy men. He will remind us (as He reminded the devil) that “Man does not live by bread alone,” though He may call us (as He called His first disciples) to give bread to the hungry (presumably because man cannot live long without bread). He will remind us about the cares that burden common people, the illusions that blind those the world calls “lucky,” and the crippling effects of worry. Then He will give us hope- hope that stretches us (where worry bent us) and faith – faith that sustains us (where greed smothered us) and love – love that is at the bottom of our deepest desires, the loss of which is at the root of all our fears.

The other night I dreamt that I was stuck in an airport terminal – another canceled flight; another long, anxious wait. The place was packed with stranded passengers and misplaced luggage, and I sank into a chair by the phone booths, waiting for the oxygen masks to drop out of the ceilings (it was a dream, remember). Suddenly, I noticed this distressed man, sobbing, pulling his hair out by the handfuls, and so I leaned over to ask him what was the matter and if I could help.

“What’s wrong, sir?” I asked. He grabbed yet another handful of his hair and sobbed, “I’m afraid I’m going bald!” And so it goes. We are surrounded by a million possibilities, all of which remind us that we are not the “captains of our own fates.” As we face these possibilities, let’s remember who our captain is.  Let us not be made captives of worry.

i’m addicted to this song.  in fact i’m addicted to David Gray’s album Draw the Line

Confession time…

I watched 17 Again and liked the movie.  I have even come to understand why teenage girls swoon over that kid Zac Efron.  Dang it he’s a decent actor.  There I said it…

I like Miley Cyrus’ song Party in the USA.  When I first heard it at work I told my friends Josh and Betsy that I would never like it but admitted it was a good pop song.  They told me I would cave and despite my music snobbery…I have come to like the song.  You know it’s gone through your mind in the past week or so…”noddin’ my head like yeah! Moving my hips like yeah!”  Oh bugger, bugger…

I wrote cheesy poems when I was 17.  Keep in mind it was 16 years ago.  I was an incredibly angry teenager who had an abusive dad who was practically stalking the family after my parents divorced and the world really didn’t make sense to me.

You never write a cheesy poem at 17 and think you’ll read it at 33 and find words from your youth that challenge you.

God I fear what’s left unsaid

All these thoughts locked in a heart of stone

I’m crying out

Break my heart, make me see

All that’s holding me back, all these chains inside

Teach me—

That I’m gonna get what’s coming to me

I’m gonna be free

No more fear, no more doubts

When I give you me

I’m holding back from the ones I love

All the pain in my soul

Carrying all of this alone is stunting my growth

Now I know what I must do and it’s all about You

I’m on my knees so please teach me—

That I’m gonna get what’s coming to me

I’m gonna be free

No more fear, no more doubts

When I give you me

It’s time to turn the key

To open my soul

Give up all of the pride

And just let You inside

Now I know

I’m gonna get what’s coming to me

I’m gonna be free

No more fear, no more doubts

As I give you me

All these years later I’m still holding back and refusing to really let people in.  Deep down do any of us really believe that others would love us if they knew our innermost thoughts…who we really are?  How can we ever live up to the expectations others impose on us?  Who others expect us to be?

Fear of being known and others deciding that I’m not who they thought I was going to be–that fear has affected every relationship in my life.  My therapist says my willingness to admit this and live in self-awareness is a bold step.  I say it’s lame, long overdue and I’m working on it!  That’s why I pay him…he’s wiser and doesn’t react emotionally like I do.

I haven’t quite gotten what’s coming to me…that complete freedom that 17 year old me thought was just around the corner.  33 year old me feels she’s closer than ever…and appreciates cheesy 17 year old me for the reminder.  And yes I guess that God guy had something to do with this…He can be so sneaky at times.  Just sayin…

To say I’ve been behind on blogging is an understatement.  It’s been more than four months since I even logged in to this blog to share anything with you.   A lot has happened so here goes the sharing…

I moved from California to Tennessee.

In moving back to Tennessee I came to terms with the fact that I ran from my southern roots and pain from the past that happened here in the south

In realizing I had run from the past I’ve faced some demons

In facing demons I’ve found some peace

In finding peace I’ve embraced hope

In embracing hope…I’ve learned to really live.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton, “Thoughts in Solitude”

You may have noticed that I’m not on the air anymore so I wanted to let you know what’s up. I’ve resigned my position effective June 5th. I’ve accepted a job working for EMI CMG Label Group in Nashville, Tennessee. I’ll be working at the home of artists like Toby Mac, Matthew West, Chris Tomlin, David Crowder Band and many more that are played right here on KDUV-FM.

This is a decision that was not made lightly. I’m sure you understand that for everything there is a season and I feel complete peace with this move and my day to day involvement in this ministry coming to an end.

I’ve been at KDUV-FM for close to 8 years and have treasured getting to spend time with you each day and share in the highs and lows of life with you. God has used you to make an impact in my life and I thank you for that!

I do ask that you do me a favor…will you keep KDUV-FM in your prayers? We’re on the hunt for a new Program Director to take my place in helping lead the KDUV-FM team. Our general manager, Bob Croft, could use prayers for wisdom in making such a key decision for the station.

I’m excited to see where God takes this ministry and you in the years to come. Know that I’m leaving a little piece of my heart in the Valley. If you’d like to stay in touch I’m on Facebook so just look me up!

Peace and Be God’s!
Shannon Steele

Cari Kates does the morning show with Dale. She’s also my roommate. She doesn’t like taking out the trash at our apartment building because the dumpster was designed for 6′5” men! Someone dropped off something at the radio station to help Cari get the job done

KDUV fm’s Global Food Crisis Day is here!

Powerful to know that you can help a child by giving $13 to feed one child living in life-threatening poverty for a month!

Watch the video below and click here to give!

Today is the 7th and final day of my Global Food Crisis Day Challenge. You can read all about it here.

The past couple of days I’ve been reminded of the promise that when we give to others, we’re always blessed. In tangible and intangible ways. Living on $2 a day for food has meant sacrificing coffee for the week and in the greatest irony of the week my coffee of the month supply was delivered to me on the 1st day of this challenge. I took the time to sniff the box and thought of how tempting it was going to be to have that good smellin’ stuff around all week. So I decided to be part of the giving spirit we’ve been inviting you to be part of and I gave the coffee away to a couple of my co-workers. That might not seem like a big deal but that was $40 worth of coffee. It’s not cheap and you pay for it’s awesome flavor! : )

So yesterday I come into the office and our office manager, Roxanne, holds out a cup of coffee and asks me if I want some. I told her no because I thought she was asking me to take a sip of HER coffee and I don’t drink after anyone! Even my dear sweet Momma. Then she looked at me and she said “Shannon, this is for you. It’s your own cup of coffee!” Roxanne had made some of the coffee I gave her on Monday morning and when she realized her husband Paul wouldn’t be drinking any she poured some into a thermal cup and brought it to me so I could taste it.

That was the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had for a few reasons
• it’s been six days since I had any at all!
• Roxanne’s thoughtfulness made it so sweet!
• God showed me in a tangible way that giving really comes back to you

Tomorrow, March 11th is Global Food Crisis Day. I hope you’ll be willing to give the $13 it takes to feed a child for a month. The reality is there is a global food crisis and children are starving. Today, more than 12,000 kids will die because of this crisis. Because they haven’t had a single meal in days. But you can make a difference. You giving that $13 will impact a child in a profound way. It will ensure that a child has the basic needs for survival. And our hope and prayer is that that same child will grow into a loving person like you. And return the favor to others through simple acts of kindness and love.

Your gift matters. It literally means life to a child. And you will be blessed my friend! You will be blessed!

Click here to help

Here’s a video that explains the impact you can have on Global Food Crisis Day:

If you’ve just started reading my blog,  here’s an update on what this week is all about.

So this past couple of days…let’s see there’s been the kindness of new friends cooking dinner for me and there’s been sickness all day on Saturday and not having any extra money to get what I would usually go out and buy when I get sick.

Then there was this email from Kristen:

Hi Shannon – I totally dig what you are doing with the whole $14 for a weeks worth of food; however… How in the world are you coping without your coffee??? Can I donate a Starbucks card to your plight???

And my reply to such a thoughtful person:

You are so sweet!  Honestly, I’m in headache-ville as I’ve dubbed it.   It’s sad how much I rely on the stuff! I really appreciate the thought that you would donate a starbucks card to me but I think the greatest way to spend that money would be to give it toward the global food crisis.   I’ll get a LOT of coffee when this is over!!!  You help these kids and the headache is worth it!  Even $5 makes a difference!  And maybe you could spread the word to your friends about it too?  So much we can do together!!

That’s the truth of all this! You can give in so many ways. You can pray for children caught in the middle of the global food crisis, you can pray for the success of Global Food Crisis Day, you can support the cause with your money and you can send the link below to a friend and encourage them to do the same!

http://www.compassion.com/global-food-crisis/?referer=98493&utm_campaign=gfcradio-def-98493

Thanks for all the encouragement in the middle of this week and for being open to how God would have you get involved for these precious kids!

Oh dear, someone’s brewing coffee…and the coffee pot is right outside my office door!  It smells so warm and inviting but I can’t go there. I’m having a tough time not having caffeine of any kind this week.  Products with caffeine costs too much to fit into my $2 a day challenge.   I’ve been working some pretty crazy hours for the past few months and I’ve realized this week that I had been functioning with the help of caffeine.  Totally messed up! I ’ve been SO tired since this challenge started. I ’m tired today. And ill.  And my head is hurting.

Now the whole point of this challenge is to learn something.  To become more aware of what I have and how I can give….in fact, can probably give more to help others.   Today, I’m living in the awareness that my lack of energy will only last until this challenge is over.  Millions of children who are living in poverty know no other reality than that gnawing feeling of emptiness in their precious tummies. Their moms are desperately clinging to the hope that they will have ANY food to eat today.

Wess Stafford is the President of Compassion International and he recently shared that while he was visiting with a mom in Africa he asked her what she does when the family has no food. She looked at Wess and told him that she and other moms will take any water they can find (clean or not) and boil it so they can give their kids something warm. Imagine giving your kids some warm water to make them “feel” as though they’ve had something to eat?

Yes I’m hungry and I want my caffeine. Yes, I dropped two eggs yesterday…one in the morning and another one last night. I had carefully planned what I could eat each day of the week and those eggs were my dinner last night. So I had to take from other food that had been set aside for today. I had a plan B. The 12,000 kid who will die from hunger-related diseases today had no plan B. Had no one in their village to help them because other families were suffering just the same.

The truth is…you and I are plan B for these families. Ghandi once said “There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.” If you want to help people see God in this lifetime…I hope and pray that you be the Christian that takes the time to help.

Click here to read about Global Food Crisis Day and find out how you can help!